Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
