my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
