how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
