I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wear drunk well.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
