My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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