i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
