I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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