Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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