spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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