Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
