And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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