the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
