We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
