i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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