my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
