well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
