he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
