All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
