My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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