More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
