My room smells like vodka and shame
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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