Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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