She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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