Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did you just send me my own nude
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
