We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
