She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
