$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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