Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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