Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
