you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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