you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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