I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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