just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
