I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
