I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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