everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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