i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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