I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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