I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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