I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
