If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
