I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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