I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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