Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I only lived at night.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
