You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i've created a new STD.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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