I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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