dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
