Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
