she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
