I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
