We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
