Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
