Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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