Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
