Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
