btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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