im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
