If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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