I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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