He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
