Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
