I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
