Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
